First we had the invisible toaster. That was all well and good, but it was only a
potential design. It wasn’t real. But now we have the message-leaving toaster,
and it’s entirely too real.

I don’t know who would buy such a thing, and I don’t know
why they would buy it, but I do know that one of these days a particularly
nasty (in content, not in flavor) piece of message toast will end up on
Passive-Aggressive Notes. I, for one,
can’t wait.

To my darling wife,

You must be insane. You bought a toaster that burns messages into bread. An expensive toaster that burns messages into
bread.

This is not World War II. We are not going to feed secret messages to the French Resistance. This toast will not self-destruct in 5
seconds. This is not a note. This is breakfast; this will not be read to
you.

While it may be a commendable exercise to wish me a good
morning in scorched wheat, at 6:30 in the morning and before my first cup of
coffee, all your sweet words look like scribbles to be covered with syrup or
jelly.

Yours in toast,

Your Husband

Photo Credit: Yanko
Design